THE LAST 4 MONTHS

Things were Really busy from March til the first of July. It's been the last week that things are finally starting to slow down.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers the post of Spring/Summer guy but after me asking him to do something, finding out he sorta had a girlfriend, not ending up doing anything and things getting weird, I'm happy to say that a year later he talked to me about it and we are becoming great friends now! I love having a guy friend.

By opening my eyes wider and having a more open perspective, I was shown a week ago that Funny Guy doesn't treat me at all special and even though he says he's not a player, I find that he spends time with alllllll the girls! Knowing this is great knowledge for me and for looking for others to focus my attention on :)

I find that pictures are so wonderful and with each passing year pretty much the only way I can remember all of the good things. This will be a nice break from this years guy posts, which right now are so few. But hey I have another singles potluck on Sunday and nothing but weird awkward experiences can come form it, so stayed tuned for the next post!

MARCH: Mom & Brackston watching Spongebob I think?

APRIL: We told Brackston that his birthday present
was mine. He believed us and wanted me to have a
picture with my present (his book) :)

MAY: Nicole and I did a session in the

Oquirrh Mountain Temple

MAY: Aubrey, Mason and I were able to go to the
school playground for a few hours

MAY: Jaden, Katelyn and I spent the evening at a park


MAY: We visited Tanner's Place of Rest.
It has now been 3 years.

JUNE: Bird Family reunion in Hyde Park
(Me, Aubrey, Jaden, Katelyn, April & Mason)

If your wondering it was a balloon tied to
my ankle she was trying to get.

Raaaar...


Us against Richard!

JUNE: Me and Nicole at her going away party


JUNE: Suzie, Mandy and I at Nicole's Birthday BBQ



JUNE: Nicole and I on our last project
night before she moved :(



JULY: Stephanie and I with Miranda
(in my primary class) at her Baptism


JULY: The sunset from Wasatch Drive
waiting for the fireworks


Me and Brandy before the fireworks


JULY: Bee's game with Marianne


JULY: Devin, Camille, Megan and I
Watching our first Girls Rollerderby


Me and Mishka at the Rollerderby

DISAPPOINTMENT

Disappointment: v. to fail to do or be equal to what was hoped or desired or expected by.

This is a word that I've become more and more familiar with in the passing years and I most often feel it with the male species. I often wonder why finding someone to like me that I like for even 5 minutes is so impossible or unreachable. I get so excited about someone and think I could spend time with them and get to know them...But it doesn't usually get to that. I probably analyze the next encounters too much...why? because there is an interest on my part. And maybe by doing so I try too hard when I see them again because it's not as good or as natural as it was the time before, or he wasn't as friendly as I hoped he would have been, and it makes me wonder what I did wrong and for a brief second wonder what's wrong with me.

They should have lessons on flirting and dating cause I think I may have missed the boat somewhere?

Feeling disappointment is almost detrimental at times, and it makes you stop and think about how it's easier just not getting interested in anyone, because then you don't feel more alone than you already did. What's important is picking yourself up and having confidence to do it again, knowing the possible outcome. It just makes me more cautious and more guarded which probably isn't the best thing, but a coping mechanism.

FAITH: n. Reliance or trust in a person or thing.

I've still got some so I'll continue to hope and act on faith!

FUNNY GUY AND BENADRYL

So my friend Heather had a solstice dinner party at her house yesterday and Funny Guy was also invited. I got there on time as well as pretty much everyone, but funny guy (I was hoping he had a good excuse...or is it just my luck that I'm drawn to guys who are always late?) Anyways enough with that...So we decided to wait like one pig waits for another and proceeded to fill our plates and eat.

I was about half way through my meal when I realized that my throat was starting to close up and I was having an allergic reaction to something I was eating. This happened to me about a month ago one day while eating school lunch. The second time isn't any funner than the first time. I'm not so sure I like it happening this often.

I realized that I needed to get to my place (across the street) and get benadryl and fast! As all of this was happening funny guy showed up and realized what was happening, funny guy told me he was going to walk with me or carry me to get the benadryl. Well a girl can't argue about being carried somewhere.

As we were walking and I was coughing every couple of seconds, funny guy offered me his arm for the walk and told me that if it got worse our code word would be potato. I came right out and said "man could you make the word a bit smaller?" So he changed it to peas. It was super duper fun and he was great company! Besides being in the state I was in I was laughing almost the whole time.

I found out that he had been doing yard work at his house and he had to clean up before he could come to the party. He said next time he will be 30 minutes early instead of late. :) Funny guy asked if everyone was annoyed with him that he had came late. I guess he got some looks from some so I was honest with funny guy and said that a few were. Funny guy told me that his late arrival must have been meant to be, fate or something...so that he could walk with me. Was he serious? I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out when he's serious or just teasing cause it seems like he's teasing me all the time. Because he thought for sure everyone still at the party was saying things about his late arrival he told me he liked being with me rather than back at the party. Ahhh so sweet...he will make a great friend!

As we got closer to my house I remembered that after being gone for 5 days I hadn't had time to pick everything up and I knew for sure I was going to be embarrassed and this would give funny guy one more thing to tease me about. He did, I just knew it! So after all the distractions and the benadryl at my place we made our way back to the party. The benadryl had me a bit loopy and some pretty funny things were coming out of my mouth before I could turn on my filter. But hey funny guy laughed at me if the others didn't.

In the last little while I've realized that I am a person who likes physical touch and I also do it without thinking. Funny guy seems to be the same way and I enjoyed it especially after one of my last guy experience where touch didn't happen.

The party ended and funny guy and I stayed after to help clean up. We left at the same time...imagine that...and he offered me a ride home across the street. It was nice for him to offer, he didn't have to it was close. We rode with the sun roof open and the temperature was just perfect for the evening. He pulled up in front of my place and we talked for a bit outside of my place. He wasn't so teasy/funny which was nice to see other sides to him. Then it was time to end the evening since I had to be up at 5 the next morning. Potluck is at his place on Sunday so it will be fun to see him again.


Things I'm aware of:

1- He's a friendly guy so the teasing touching might just be how he is with everyone so don't read into it that he likes me til he makes a move.
2- I could really use him as a friend cause he's way awesome!
3- I'm going to have fun!

FUNNY GUY AND OLD NAVY GUY

So I'm usually oblivious to anyone from the opposite sex hitting on me...Flirting doesn't come natural for me. I just don't see it or I think to myself and now to all of you "how could someone like that be interested in me". I'm not saying that it happens all the time but it could be possible that it's happened more than I know. Lately it's just happened more for comical entertainment. I remember one time when mom, dad and I were in line ordering our food at an A&W and there was a guy in line with us. Me being who I am and not able to ignore pretty much anyone around me I talked to him. We ordered and then headed to our seats and mom and dad told me he had been flirting with me and that I should go talk to him more. I was like "No Way he's not interested in me, he was just being friendly!" Needless to say I didn't go talk to him more and they weren't too happy with me.

There must be something in the water this year, or maybe I'm more attractive since I've lost 19 pounds in the last 4 months, I don't know. It could be that I've been actively seeking for these experiences to blog about so in the process I'm putting myself out there more. And I'm getting ones I would never want and some that I wouldn't mind. So between Monday Guy, Sunday Guy, Mr Nice Guy, Bewilder Guy, Smart Guy, Electronic Guy, and the 2 brothers it's been fun and the experiences, mind you keep coming.

A couple months ago I met a guy who we will call Funny Guy at one of the potlucks and let me tell you, I'm laughing probably 98% of the time when I'm around funny guy. And it's not that he's telling jokes it's that he's teasing me, making fun of me (in a good way) and making the smallest things about life funny. We have this thing going where he calls me "The Dog Girl" since I dog sit and making it this huge deal. And for him I'm constantly telling him that he needs to come talk to me so I can fun of him and threatening to call his mom for some good stories about him. Maybe I'll start calling him funny guy to his face...he doesn't need to know I've blogged about him! The best part about our interactions is that Funny guy actually lets me tease him and make fun of him. I actually think he thrives on it. At the potluck a couple weeks ago I was getting really excited to talk to funny guy and before he could get a seat next to me, I had 4 guys, one after another, sit next to me. I was bummed but went with it. One of the 4 practically sat in my lap he was so close, I think he actually thought I would be wanting him to sit that close. Another of the four told me I was as light as a wafe...OK whatever? Any ways. And finally funny guy got an opening to sit next to me and we were teasing each other and laughing the rest of the evening. He even told me in joking that I was his dream girl...Maybe? :)

Then on Wednesday last week I needed to find a pair of brown leggings to go under a couple of dresses I found on clearance that were too short. A friend at work told me that she had found them for her daughter at Old Navy and TJ Max. So after the Temple I made my way to Old Navy in search of the leggings. This experience came right out of the blue!!! I was searching for leggings not a guy! I had picked up a shirt and was searching for the leggings when Old Navy Guy asked me if I was finding everything OK. I said No so old navy guy showed me to the leggings and I found that there was only black and gray! Dang it! I even said that out loud. Old navy guy told me that he had been baptized 3 weeks ago and that he could tell I was a member because I had said "Dang It" rather than the swear word. This gave him opportunity to tell me that the shirt I wanted to try on was too big for me...I tried it on anyways. Found that I had to go down a size...which didn't fit either...nothings fitting right these days. While I was trying it on old navy guy talked to me through the dressing room. WEIRD! Ya old navy guy's job was by the fitting rooms and letting customers in the fitting rooms. By the time I was able to get out of the store old navy guy had written on a piece of paper his phone number, email, and name so that I could add him on facebook.

So for the fun of it I added old navy guy. I found that he is or was very forward, so forward that 2 days later he asked me to come to church with him on Sunday for his special day of receiving the priesthood. Are you kidding...I just met you 2 days ago, only talked to you roughly 5 minutes and you want me to come to something very personal? Wow didn't see it coming. Luckily I had primary responsibilities that didn't allow me to go. I even told old navy guy that I don't normally add someone on facebook that I hardly know and asked him to tell me about himself. Old navy guy didn't email anything. He told me over and over that I could call him or text him anytime. Ya NO way! So needless to say since I shot him down a couple times he hasn't contacted me again. Wew I guess being somewhat careful pays off.

Lessons learned:

1 Find more dirt about Funny Guy to use as leverage to become his true dream girl

2 Don't become facebook friends with someone you just met

3 Best to have them give you contact information rather than me giving them mine.

4 Have fun you never know where the good times will be!

WHAT IS THIS FEELING...

Do you ever question what you are feeling?

I'm a person who hates change, especially when I don't want things to change, I like things just the way they are. On the other spectrum there are times when I want things to change because I'm ready, but I don't have any control over them changing and just have to exercise patience and hope they change. In times of change I get a weird gut feeling that I'm not going to be content for awhile and until things are settled I'm a bit off and stressed. Even in times when it will be a good thing I still get that same feeling, and it makes me wonder if I'm just letting fear and Satan influence me or if it really is not a good thing.

So am I truly understanding what exactly I'm feeling? For example when I bought my house I got this horrible feeling...why? I had no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do and 2 years later, its still clear to me that it was the best thing for me. So why do I feel the same thing for something bad and something good? Well with buying the house it was a very big thing and very very very stressful and I would be changing in a very big way on my own. So I thought I was getting a bad feeling when it was probably just fear coming out about change.

Lately I've been experiencing life in ways that I've not experienced them before. To be frank I'm out of my element and I'm analyzing everything. When I analyze things it in some ways gives me an excuse to feel a certain way. But I know analyzing everything will do me no good and it's not accurate. For so long to have purpose in my life I've filled it with lots to do and lots of people just to keep busy and not focus on what I don't have in my life at that moment or to be honest, so I don't feel alone or not needed. I am naturally a people pleaser and when I'm not needed I start to wonder what's going on. But there are those times where it's relaxing to not be needed.

The first night I met Smart Guy 2 1/2 months ago, one of the questions he asked me was about living by myself and if I got lonely. It was easy to answer. I said "no I've got plenty of things and people that keep my busy so I enjoy living alone." This worried my mom and dad a bit about saying that I wasn't lonely, so then I questioned, should I feel lonely? Should I have said I was lonely so I sounded available? I doubted my initial feeling and response. But I'm not a needy person so by nature I'm not going to be lonely and I feel good about that personality trait.

Since that question that night I've thought a lot about my answer and my life. Smart Guy has been and is a calming influence in my whirl of a life. This all comes down to really who I am and how I deal with things or live my life. When I am with Smart Guy I remember things about who I am that I have forgotten, the things I used to love to do that I don't do anymore, and all the things about myself I don't like. But if I am honest with who I am then I have to realize that my life will be a whirl that's just who I am but I can change it a bit by making it a more manageable whirl .

There are things I need to change but for the most part I like who I'm becoming. I'm working on changing how I feel like I need to please everyone around me, and to start deciding what I really want out of life. I focus so much on how my decisions of what I want to do will effect others if it means I say no to them. It's time to stop thinking about what others will think of me if I do something that's best for me. I need to be happy and doing the things I need to do. It's more important that I do what's right and pleasing God with living up to my potential.

I heard a line awhile ago that I've thought about a lot in the last couple of years and it's "I Can't Be Everything To Everyone." Have I actually believed in it and followed it?...NO, and my crazy over scheduled life is proof of that, and well I've decided to start. Why? Well to be as happy as I've been at other times in my life and have more peace in my life to figure out what's in store for me whether it's being single or married.

So here is to being OK with change and going with it!