In December I met a guy at a Sunday evening party, and I'm going to call him Bewilder Guy. Well Bewilder Guy and I had great conversation and I thought he was cute. As I was leaving he told me it was nice to have met me.
I was attending a Sunday night potluck a week later and I was standing next to Bewilder guy and I tapped his leg to get his attention and I think I tapped a little to hard. Why do I think that? Well it actually felt more like a kick than a tap. Woops! I apologized of course. We shared maybe 15 words and then he wandered away from me and he stayed away the rest of the evening. So of course from the way he acted I decided to move on and X him out as one to get to know better.
A month later (this last Sunday) I attended January's potluck and was having a good confident night and not scoping out the place which was a bit unusual for me. I was talking to a friend when I noticed that Bewilder Guy was sitting close by. I proceeded to ignore him and act as if I hadn't noticed him. Oh the games we play. I started to talk to another person when all of a sudden Bewilder Guy was right next to me. I finished my conversation and he started asking me about how things were going. I still thought he was cute so I proceeded to talk to him, but the conversation was a bit weird and awkward. Nothing like our first conversation.
He asked if I was on facebook and by the time I got home he had added me on facebook. Uh...OK I guess it had gone better than I thought. Was I shocked? Ya? I guess I need to get to know him better.
Lesson learned, is to expect the unexpected.
Second lesson learned, play hard to get, sometimes it works!
Saturday Night brought a singles party at a church house. I went with a couple of my friends and met up with some others. I didn't know what to expect and just went with an open mind.
I didn't find the activities at hand very fun and found myself in the foyer talking to friends. I had no idea I would end up with a great experience from the night rather than a bad one to blog about.
I had been standing in the foyer for about a half hour and was in the middle of a conversation when I saw a girl who was very familiar to me. Come to find out we had been in the same ward in College and I hadn't seen her since 1998.
Her brother, which we will call Mr Nice Guy joined our conversation and soon he and I were talking about many things. In talking we realized that Mr Nice Guy and I had been at Utah State at the same time and Mr Nice Guy thought that he had met me once during that time. For 2 hours Mr Nice Guy and I talked and never left the small area of where we were standing in the foyer of the church, and it was great! He made me laugh and when one topic of conversation ended another began. I hated to think that at some point our conversation would have to end!
Just my luck, all good things come to an end and the night ended and we both went our separate ways. Maybe one day he and I will talk again. I went home feeling giddy as a school girl. Something I haven't felt in a long time.
Lesson I learned is to never give up HOPE!
On Friday Richard, April, Aubrey, Mason, and I made our way to a Grizzlies Hockey game. I'm one for watching the game as well as observing the people around me! Not far into the first period this group walks in and sits in the row in front of us down a bit. I could tell instantly that they were an older singles group. Why cause I'm living it and you could tell just by how they were acting.
I was observing the guy on the end. We will call him Trophy Wife Guy, he was a Nice casual dresser, clean cut, a tad nerdy but probably makes good money doing whatever he does. He sat on the end of the group and looked like he was the outnumbered guy. So of course I was intrigued! He spent the first 2 periods texting or answering his phone. Finally at the beginning of the 3rd and final period Trophy Wife Guy got up and walked out. He came back with 2 girls that looked like Barbie Dolls. Perfect hair, nails, thick makeup, tight jeans with knee high boots, and expensive purses.
At this point I had to share in the fun and filled April in on my fun only to realize that was noticing it a bit as well. We watched as Trophy Wife Guy talked to barbie girl 1 who was sitting next to him. Barbie girl 2 spent the whole time texting as it was obvious she was support only for barbie girl 1, who from what we were seeing said yes to this guy and rather than telling him no, came late and brought support so Trophy Wife Guy wouldn't get to interested in her.
Barbie girl 2 left within minutes talking on her phone and never came back. Barbie girl 1 did her thing and Trophy Wife Guy seemed to be liking it. Or maybe not? Barbie girl 1 left after only attending the hockey game for probably 5 minutes and never returned.
The second she was gone he had turned to his friends and was mimicking them. April said she could tell by the way Trophy Wife Guy was acting that he saw right threw them.
So why even date them? or invite them to something? Did he hope that besides having a great outside appearance that she would have great personality? Or was she something he could parade around and make other men jealous?
Lesson I learned was to enjoy these moments and blog about it!
The 25-40 group went to "Music and the Spoken Word" this morning. Alicia and I went together and got to the tabernacle on Temple square and met up with the group.
We walked in sat down. I ended up sitting next to a guy who I will name "Sunday Guy". He had a presence about him that drew me to him and I wanted to get to know him and figure out his story.
We starting by asking each other questions about where we work, where we are from, and our interests. I think I had only asked him 4 questions when he threw out that he had been married, as casual as "hey how are you today", was I shocked? Maybe for a second...til I could register what he just said. My thought was if he's married then why is he with a bunch of singles this morning? I guess my response to him telling me this was one he was OK with because after finishing what he was saying "Sunday Guy" elaborated on the marriage point and I wasn't so confused. His divorce was final in November and he has 4 boys under the age of eight. I had respect for him for being up front, open and willing to share so much of his life to a stranger that he had just met 10 minutes earlier. He then turned to me and asked me if I had and I said "no I've never married" and he responded with "yet". He was right someday I will! It was nice to feel relaxed and bring no ideas or assumptions to the table while getting to know another human being. No strings attached just learning about each other. "Sunday Guy" had an inner strength that I was impressed with.
After the program was over the group mingled outside. Without the benches to keep us together to talk and being with a group, it made it harder to continue the conversation with "Sunday Guy". We did though converse a bit while in the visitor center for a group picture and mingling. I checked the time and realized that if I didn't leave now I wouldn't be prepared for sharing time at 1:00. I wasn't sure what to say or how to end things and so Alicia and I just left. I'm hoping at some point our paths will cross and it will be nice to continue to get to know "Sunday Guy".
Lesson I learned is that no matter how many bad experiences there will always be a few good ones.
Second lesson I learned is to be open when I feel calmness.
Yeah for Sunday Guy!
So I joined a group about 2 months ago for anyone 25-40 to get out and do activities together. I was a bit skeptic but felt so much better today after I read what the rules are for being able to participate. The fact that other women feel the same way I do about older single activities and the older guys that come made me feel a bit more normal in my quest to get out more often. My thoughts are voiced by Rodney who set up the group. Enjoy Rodney's words and the fact that I totally agree!
"First of all let me say thank you for joining the Get Out! group. It’s been great to see the group grow over the last few weeks.
I’ve been told I can be long-winded. So for those of you who want nothing but the cold, hard facts you can read #1 and skip the rest. ;-)
1. I WILL CHECK IDs at EVERY ACTIVITY! A few have ignored the age limit for the group, so everyone needs to bring ID to the activities. If you are over the age limit of 40 (42 if you have friends in the group) you will not get in, period!
The reason I started this group was to cater to those of us who aren’t part of the YSA crowd nor feel comfortable at midsingles activities because there is too much age diversity, with people from 31-70. We feel like the babies in the crowd, especially with people old enough to be our parents present.
The decision to cap the age at 40 came after much consideration and discussion with friends. We all have very good friends whom we knew would be excluded because they are over the age of 40. The age cap is not intended to offend anyone. It is intended to make sure there is at least a common age range, and thus similar experiences and circumstances in life.
Most girls are too kind to say this to guys; so I’ll say it for them. A unanimous input I heard from every girl I talked with was the complaint about being hit on by much older men, some old enough to be their fathers. There are many who attend family wards, just as I did, because of the huge age diversity in midsingles wards. Girls get stalked by older men and so they choose to stay in a family ward. I realized I could sit at home and complain about the lack of fun activities that cater specifically to those in my age group and circumstance, or I could do something about it. I chose to do something about it. The Get Out! group is the result.
Many said they won’t come if there isn’t an age cap. I made this group specifically for that reason. Some have taken offense and become angry with me because of the age cap. It’s something I can live with, you can blame me, I made the decision. The benefits of getting those of us in this age range out socializing and developing new friendships is something I felt needed to happen.
I tried to be direct, but diplomatic about the age cap when I wrote the group rules. However, seeing people up to 60 years old join, I realize some are going to ignore the rule and hope it isn’t enforced. I’m going to put it very bluntly now, so there is no misunderstanding or confusion. Age is a determining factor in many things in life, get over it! The church has age caps: you can be in Primary only until you’re 11; 18 is the cap to be in young men/women programs, YSA wards are 18-30, midsingles wards 31-45. Many other minimum and maximum age requirements exist in life: the Boy and Girl Scouts have age caps; you must be 18 to vote, 30 to be a senator, 35 to be president; to get senior discounts you must be 50+. To be part of the Get Out! group you must be 25-40—it is not a suggestion!
The line had to be drawn somewhere. I realize some are just older than 40. The one compromise I will make is: If you have friends in the group, you will be allowed into the activities if you are a max of 42 years old. If I make any more exceptions it will break down and become the same kind of 31+ crowd that has kept so many of us from being part of other activities and conferences. I promised many I would enforce the age cap in order to get them to come out and give this group a try, and I will keep that promise.
As I said, many of us have great friends over 40. This is not intended to ostracize or offend anyone, but rather an attempt to socially involve and activate a group that lacks opportunities to have fun and meet others in our age range. I hope you can recognize and respect what I’ve tried to create for those of us in the 25-40 age group. If you feel you are part of an underserved age group, I encourage you to start your own group.
Thank you for your time and understanding on this matter.
Sincerely,
Rodney S. Rex"
